How to Get Him to Celebrate His Accomplishments

Most of us are proud of the things we’ve accomplished.

Being able to say “I did this,” being able to beat your chest and take a deep breath because you’ve earned it. All those sleepless nights when you’d burn out the candle just to stay up to study because you had an impromptu test and you weren’t prepared for it and since you have scaled through. You should be proud and you can shout and scream out in joy, because you have earned it!

Beyoncè is proud of her Grammies, Soyinka of his Nobel laureate, lawyers of cases won, surgeons of tumors slain, authors of novels published and cooks of delicious meals successfully put together from scratch and devoured by hungry mouths and grateful bellies.

Becoming, for example, an associate professor is no different, and whoop-whoop! Let’s say our boyfriend has just been made an associate professor. Isn’t that a thing to be joyful for?

No doubt all that boiled down to it couldn’t have been easy; the student loans, the late-night studying, the 150 percent commitment to his ambitions that might or might not have put a strain on your relationship. The hustle and stress, the sweat and tears and blood and bones that a perfectly worthy dissertation requires, and so much more.

But you’re both past that now. You are so happy and so proud of your man, and we all know the next best thing: you should put together a small party in his name, a small gathering to honor him, to celebrate this golden achievement and hundreds more to come.

Here comes the hard part: Your boyfriend won’t hear of it. He shies away from the topic, he shrugs your genuinely excited, animated suggestions away, and he won’t even sit still to flesh out this party plan you’ve got stuck in your head, refuses to acknowledge your words, to discuss, to rub minds and brainstorm together.

Now you’re frustrated, of course, and deservedly so. This is all for him, after all. You are partners in this big, bad rollercoaster called life, and all you wish to do for him, like all he wishes to do for you. You want to make him happy, please him, celebrate him and treat him like a king.

But you need not be disappointed, or discouraged, or allow frustration to dictate the mechanics of your relationship with your boyfriend. You can still convince him to allow you (and fellow loved ones) to celebrate him. But first, you must dig deep, dig vast and understand the reason(s) for his seeming hesitation or rejection.

Understand why he doesn’t want to celebrate his accomplishments

Understanding why will help you reason better (with him) and convince him that celebrating his accomplishments, however large or minute, is the bold, beautiful, and right thing to do.
Now, it could be any number of things. It could be because he feels like he shouldn’t celebrate because he isn’t worthy of celebrating professorship until he’s a full-on professor. That too will be attained and it will be celebrated also – oh, what a thing of joy!
It could be he’s afraid that celebrating his making associate professorship is a rather mediocre or complacent thing to do. He might even feel as if celebrating professorship before making full-on professorship could jinx it all, jinx his chances of making professorship. Yes! People can be superstitious like that.
And it could also be that he’s shy, or harbors a sense of shame or inferiority because he didn’t make associate “on time” as you and the rest of his academic friends and acquaintances did some two years ago. And it could be a number of many other things.

How to warm him up to the idea of celebrating his accomplishments

You should be patient with him, of course. You might feel he’s being difficult, but he’s not being deliberately difficult. It’s not at all his intention. And you can help soothe him, allay his fears and erase his feelings of inadequacy, inferiority and whatnot by letting him know, or reminding him that people are different. Each to his own pace. Time is a social construct, and the idea that one must attain certain achievements at certain points of their lives, or else the efficacy of said achievement wanes.
You should remind him, just in case he seems to have forgotten, that he is loved, treasured, looked up to (everyone turns to his wise head when they’re stuck!) and rooted for by you, your family and friends, youre colleagues and acquaintances and loved ones and everyone in between.
Rest assured if you say this kind, loving, reassuring words to him, gently and firmly, he’ll see the light and realize that this no small feat of his well deserves to be celebrated, proudly and unapologetically. And not to worry about a gift for him!
He’s worked tirelessly for it. He’s earned it. He deserves it, and he deserves it from you, so don’t you wait another second.